If you don't know what's going on, but you've noticed how miserable I am... then let me explain
I only got into 3 of 9 colleges... RPI, Union and Northeastern... the least competitive of the colleges I applied to. I honestly only applied to them because mother wanted me to and I had no plans on actually going to any of them. I also didn't like any of them...
You see, getting into colleges for me wasn't just a decision that would affect the next 4 years of my life... getting into college was what was going to define who I am as a person. This obviously proves that my procrastination and lack of motivation won out over all other traits I may posses. So I'm not creative, or fun, or interesting, or open minded. I'm not multi-talented, unique or an individual... I'm just a procrastinator. That's all colleges see in me.
This is far more devastating than someone who just didn't have the grades, or someone who just wasn't the right fit... people are telling me that I should move on, get over it and pick a school... but what they don't realize is that this failure on my part will haunt me for the rest of my life.
You'll all have to bare with me for a while... This whole situation has me acting more bipolar than I ever have before, and its already straining some relationships. I'm sorry in advanced if I'm acting strange or bitchy or flakey... this one is going to take some time to move on from... and its not exactly something I can forget about, seeing as I'll be dealing with w/e college I choose for a long long time.
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2 comments:
I'm really sorry. That really sucks. I know how you feel about picking the right college. It truly is a matter of identity and culture, not just some random place you happen to go to classes. I certainly don't expect you to just "get over it," and I think anyone who does simply doesn't understand what college is to you.
People should understand how hard this is for you. It's not something you just get over, it gets easier with time though. I don't have the same regret as you, but I do regret high school in general and wasting my intelligence. The most I use my brain for now is picking the better position to shoot the Russian in the head before he shoots me. (Which I'm phenomenal at thank you.)
and although RPI is lower on your end, you should feel proud you got into that school with the scholarship you got. I had tons of friends who applied and not one single student from my high school got in because RPI doesn't accept many people. I know you're not interested in going and it's not going to make you feel better, but that IS an incredible accomplishment Sora.
I love you, please feel better. <333
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