It Just Hit Me

So my parents are getting divorced. I wasn't supposed to really bring it up until it was official, but its getting very serious now, lawyers are doing all the talking between them these days it seems. But anyway, I never really grasped that mother was getting divorced because I never really saw them as married. As you may or may not know, my parents have...well you cant even call it a bad relationship because I'm not sure its much of a relationship at all. The last time my parents in love was... well I was either too young to remember, or it was before I was born. Mother confirms.

But back to the point...today it finally hit me that my parents were breaking a life long promise and commitment. They took vows till death do us part...and now its like breaking that to pieces and stepping all over it. I mean as you know I'm not religious so its not the whole "going against God" part that bothers me...but even if you don't have to worry about that, you're still making a promise to stay together forever, and yet so often we break it.

It sort of causes a disillusionment in children I think, that marriage isn't as serious as it should be because you can get a divorce any ol' time. I know for me I realized today its why I have incredibly cynical views on love (and if it even exists). I dunno, its just for the first time I was really upset about the whole thing, and its really breaking my trust in the possibility of finding a love that will last the test of time. Of course, I also understand human beings are a social creature and no matter how much I just want to avoid the whole love game, I know I have to play it like everyone else. I just hope I'm luckier than mother....